For my first act….

A series of my favorite jokes. Man, this list never ends.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs….

…on your front porch? Matt.
…or outside your shower? Same thing.
…in your mail box? Bill. Or on your table after dinner.
…floating in the ocean? Bob.
…under your car? Jack.
…in your coffee? Joe.
…in a pile of leaves? Rustle.
…in your bathroom? John.
…with a drill bit in between his teeth? Chuck.
…in a hole? Phil.
…in a crock-pot? Stu.
…on the floor of a salon? Harry.
…in your garden? Pete.
…who was thrown across a pond? Skip.
…on a poker table? Chip.
…stuffed with cotton like an animal? Teddy.
…in your toolbox? Allen.
who lives in a church? Christian.
…at an apple farm? Mac.
…who is spouting oil? Derrick.
…on the edge of a mountain? Cliff.
…in the end zone? Spike.
…with a small cut? Nick.
…between two chains? Link. (hyaaaa!)
…on a hill? Roland.
…in a bank vault? Rich.
…in a car? Otto.
…on a piece of paper? Mark.
…featured on a breaking news story? Justin.
…in a hot dog bun? Frank.
And how about a lady between some hamburger buns? Patty.

A women with no arms and legs hanging from the chandelier? Crystal.
A women with no arms and no legs on a beach? Sandy.
…On a fence? Barb.
…in a pond? Lilly.
…in a purse? Carrie.
…in a steam? Brooke.
…on a tennis court? Annette.
…who burns all her credit card bills and student loans?Bernadette
…at a car dealership? Alexis.
…in your garden? Rose. (Violet, Daisy, ect.)
…who is quite jolly? Mary.
Put those together and you might find her in your kitchen? Rosemary.
A woman with no arms and no legs who doesn’t know her worth? Penny.
How about a women with only one leg? Eileen
…and if she’s Asian? Irene.

Whaddta call a girl with no arms and no legs who lives in a library? Page.
How about a guy who lives there too? Reed.

What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idear.
How about a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idear.
Or a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no genitalia? Still no fucking idear.
How about a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
And a cow with only three legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn’t much matter, he won’t come anyway!

What do you call a man with no arms, no legs, and no head? Chester.
How about a good looking one between your drywall? A Stud.
A man with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall? Art.
What do you call his arms and legs? Pieces of Art.
How about if he has no tongue? Tasteless Art.
How about a man with no arms, no legs, no head, and no torso? Dick.

And maybe my favorite, thought of by my friend Anthony:
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs….joke?
Me.

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